Guest Post by Alexander Ward

My first ever Guest Post on my foodie blog goes to a new twitter friend, Alexander Ward. He and his better half appear to enjoy dining out as much as me. They had a recent trip to Nandos in Colchester which he blogged about and has given me his permission to share his witty tale.

“Prompted by an unapparent mood of despair and desperation, myself and my good lady decided to have some food at the Nandos in Colchester. Little did I know at the time when I gleefully accepted the proposal of attending that it would be my last.

I say my last in the sense I’m not looking to return until either my budget dictates it, or I forget about my rather poor experience and gleefully accept a proposal to attend. Something is flashing in my mind, something about a pattern. Pushing that aside, I’ll continue.

What I should state from the outset is that I actually quite like Nandos, although it goes against my immediate annoyance at a non-table-service element, I actually think it’s quite good. The food is, well, consistent, the staff are usually friendly and typically it’s a vibrant atmosphere. Plus, there’s the 25% discount I get from my job (which shall remain nameless).

Not this time, nope

Perhaps it was the choice to come during half-term, perhaps it was the choice to come to Nandos full-stop after eating at so many good places recently, but I quickly regretted our decision. Upon entering the restaurant we were seated towards the back, it was a romantic little spot beside a big wall blocking your view. What’s that? What could make a big wall blocking your view better? I’m glad you asked. A vibrating, whirring big wall, no doubt containing some machinery.

The venture was improved by the small table we were placed on. Can we get this whole two-person table sorted and put to bed please? Those tables are not big enough, Borrowers would struggle to eat here.

Oh, he’s going to be in that mood

No doubt my very lovely girlfriend was also regretting things at this point. She always has a sixth sense for detecting my annoyance at a restaurant. It could be the grumpy face. Or the huffing and the mentioning of the whirring. And the vibrating. Having sat down and considered smashing my face against the floor to improve my experience, I ventured off to order.

Now for those of you not blessed with the experience, the Nandos Queue is a terribly interesting affair. In Colchester it’s typically a long queue stretching across the entrance (NB: Fire Exit) and into the eating area. Having someone’s arse at eye level beside you whilst you’re trying to eat half a chicken is a true gift. A. GIFT.

Worth a note is that these queues are also full of, well, idiots. I had the pleasure of watching five fully grown males (who I believe live in a gym, or at least have to undergo a series of physical challenges before leaving the house) mocking a chap’s coat. His black coat. Because it was black. There was much laughter and then wonder and awe as they discovered fire.

Having ordered food and returned to my good lady (who at this point, in her usual way, cheered me up with some silly faces and talking about how good cocktails are), we waited a good while and received our chickeny goods. The food was, well, as expected. It’s always consistent at Nandos, never incredible, never terrible. In a way that’s commendable, but in others it’s the restaurant version of magnolia.

Upon finishing our food with whirring vibration, we sat back and quickly realised it was time to have some cocktails.

The thing with Nandos is, and I don’t know why, but I always become hungry 30 minutes later. Maybe it’s the amount of protein, or because I feel like a forager. Or a wild animal. Scraping chicken off bone. Laughing at men in black coats.

So, to conclude

I would give this experience a resounding 1.5 chicken bone out of 5. Yes I could’ve asked for a new table, but with the busy restaurant and a deep yearning for food, I had to prioritise”

Let me know what you think about Alexander’s blog, and if you want to stalk him on social media you can check out his blog: http://fluffnotincluded.wordpress.com/

Or follow him on twitter: @tigertoosh

My top 5 chain restaurants...

As much as I love small, quirky and independent restaurants, sometimes they don't please everyone. When I say everyone, I mean the fussy eaters. Everyone knows a picky eater. I therefore feel that a chain restaurant just screams ease and guaranteed satisfaction from all members of your dining party. Sometimes its better to play it safe than sorry.

I decided to rank my favourite chain restaurants in order with number 1 being my most loved chain. 

In 5th place... Las Iguanas

I love the freshly prepared Latin food. Their menu boasts everything from Tapas to Mexican food, even food from Brazil and beyond. With such a vast choice of starters, mains and deserts there is something for everyone.

I'm a lover of all things Mexican, so highly recommend their holy guacamole (nachos) and fajitas, I personally prefer the chicken version but they also offer marinated strip-steak, shelled prawns and a vegetarian option of three mushroom. A new addition to the desert menu is churros, I NEED to try these, they sound pretty amazing. 

For me living in Colchester (Essex) my closest Las Iguanas is Lakeside or one of the many restaurants in London. Well worth a trip in my opinion.

The menu is so reasonably priced, with mains starting from £7.50, you really can't go wrong. What makes Las Iguanas even better is that Sunday - Wednesday between the hours of 12-7 there is happy hour on a choice of 12 alcoholic cocktails (such as Cuba Libra, Dark N' Stormy and a Mango Collins) and 3 non-alcoholic cocktails.

Why not have a look at their menu online and see what Las Iguanas have to offer, www.iguanas.co.uk

In 4th place... Wagamama

Wagamama is famed for its Japanese inspired cuisine. Wagamama's praise themselves on fresh, fast and fun food. My favourite fact about this restaurant is that Wagamama stands for naughty child or one who is wilful and determined in Japanese. I do understand that its not a restaurant for everyone with the shared benches and the dishes arriving at different intervals. I guess it's a little like marmite, you either love it or hate it!

The fast and delicious food is enough to make most customers, like me, come back time and time again. All the dishes are adequately priced. My favourite main dish on the menu has to be chilli men served with soba noodles. If I'm feeling particularly naughty I like a side dish or two like spicy squid or edamame.

Wagamama's even offer a great selection of super healthy juices such as super green juice and root juice.

If you think its something you'll love why not take a look at the menu, www.wagamama.com

In 3rd place... Zizzi

You can't really go wrong with Italian food and I personally think Zizzi's is best of all the Italian chains. They offer a great selection of pizza's, pasta's, salads and calzone.

The menu is full of lower fat, healthier alternatives to the usual greasy pizza's, such as the skinny pizza bufala. My favourite however has to be the pasta, I love a carbohydrate overload! In particular the penne della casa, a naughty dish filled with cream and oven baked with cheese.

Zizzi's also has a great selection of wines and soft drinks, my preferred soft drink has to be San Pellegrino limonata.

In Zizzi's you are guaranteed to get great value for your money, with them offering great deals and vouchers on many online sites such as voucher cloud. 

If like me your suddenly in the mood for an Italian why not take a look at their menu, www.zizzi.co.uk

In 2nd place... Nando's

Anywhere I can use a loyalty card I'm hooked and dam this has now become one good loyalty card. What could you possibly not like about Nando's; there is chicken, refillable drinks, loads of sides and the biggest variety of sauces imaginable.

Everyone knows what they'll have at Nando's before they walk through the door. Mines a medium chicken pitta, chips and salad. Occasionally I treat myself to olives too! It's safe to say Nando's has upped in price but who could possibly complain, you still eat for around £15.00 - that's unless you have a bottomless pit as a belly. If that is the case I strongly advise you to eat the frozen yogurt!

For the 0.01% of you who hasn't been to Nando's before take a look at their menu online, www.nandos.co.uk

And the winner is... TGI Friday's

TGI's wins the title of my ultimate chain restaurant, I mean have you tried their Cajun battered shrimp? Its mouthwatering. With walls covered head to toe in memorabilia and service with a smile (occasionally even a balloon hat or a song if its your birthday). TGI's originally started in the States as a singles bar in 1965 but now is a great place to go with your friends, family and loved ones.

The menu is literally any meat eaters heaven. It has everything including steak, chicken and ribs. My weakness is their American grills, just wow. Pretty much every dish comes with a Jack Daniels option which makes great food brilliant! You can't forget about the TGI burgers, they are amazing. TGI's even has the choice of Mexican and Italian dishes. They now also do Tapas (not the Spanish kind!) - 3 for £12.99 or 5 for £15.99.

Main meals start from £8.99 for the vegetarian dishes with the most expensive being £21.49. It does seem a little costly but like you'd expect of an American style restaurant the portion sizes are huge!

Not only do TGI's serve up great food, they have cocktails to die for! With a vast range of skinny cocktails, rum medleys, stylish martinis, fizzy cocktails and many many more! My advice when you go, ensure you aren't the designated driver!

Have a look at their website and see where your closest TGI's is, trust me its well worth a visit www.tgifridays.co.uk

What's your top 5 favourite chain restaurants? Comment below and see if we reach the same verdict!