My first
ever Guest Post on my foodie blog goes to a new twitter friend, Alexander Ward.
He and his better half appear to enjoy dining out as much as me. They had a
recent trip to Nandos in Colchester which he blogged about and has given
me his permission to share his witty tale.
“Prompted by an unapparent mood
of despair and desperation, myself and my good lady decided to have some food
at the Nandos in Colchester. Little did I know at the time when I gleefully
accepted the proposal of attending that it would be my last.
I say my last in the
sense I’m not looking to return until either my budget dictates it, or I forget
about my rather poor experience and gleefully accept a proposal to attend.
Something is flashing in my mind, something about a pattern. Pushing that
aside, I’ll continue.
What I should state from
the outset is that I actually quite like Nandos, although it goes against my
immediate annoyance at a non-table-service element, I actually think it’s quite
good. The food is, well, consistent, the staff are usually friendly and typically
it’s a vibrant atmosphere. Plus, there’s the 25% discount I get from my job
(which shall remain nameless).
Not this time, nope
Perhaps it was the
choice to come during half-term, perhaps it was the choice to come to Nandos
full-stop after eating at so many good places recently, but I quickly regretted
our decision. Upon entering the restaurant we were seated towards the back, it
was a romantic little spot beside a big wall blocking your view. What’s that?
What could make a big wall blocking your view better? I’m glad you asked. A
vibrating, whirring big wall, no doubt containing some machinery.
The venture was improved
by the small table we were placed on. Can we get this whole two-person table
sorted and put to bed please? Those tables are not big enough, Borrowers would
struggle to eat here.
Oh, he’s going to be in
that mood
No doubt my very lovely
girlfriend was also regretting things at this point. She always has a sixth
sense for detecting my annoyance at a restaurant. It could be the grumpy face.
Or the huffing and the mentioning of the whirring. And the vibrating. Having
sat down and considered smashing my face against the floor to improve my
experience, I ventured off to order.
Now for those of you not
blessed with the experience, the Nandos Queue is a terribly interesting affair.
In Colchester it’s typically a long queue stretching across the entrance (NB:
Fire Exit) and into the eating area. Having someone’s arse at eye level beside
you whilst you’re trying to eat half a chicken is a true gift. A. GIFT.
Worth a note is that
these queues are also full of, well, idiots. I had the pleasure of watching
five fully grown males (who I believe live in a gym, or at least have to
undergo a series of physical challenges before leaving the house) mocking a
chap’s coat. His black coat. Because it was black. There was much laughter and
then wonder and awe as they discovered fire.
Having ordered food and
returned to my good lady (who at this point, in her usual way, cheered me up
with some silly faces and talking about how good cocktails are), we waited a
good while and received our chickeny goods. The food was, well, as expected.
It’s always consistent at Nandos, never incredible, never terrible. In a way
that’s commendable, but in others it’s the restaurant version of magnolia.
Upon finishing our food
with whirring vibration, we sat back and quickly realised it was time to have
some cocktails.
The thing with Nandos
is, and I don’t know why, but I always become hungry 30 minutes later. Maybe
it’s the amount of protein, or because I feel like a forager. Or a wild animal.
Scraping chicken off bone. Laughing at men in black coats.
So, to conclude
I would give this
experience a resounding 1.5 chicken bone out of 5. Yes I could’ve asked for a
new table, but with the busy restaurant and a deep yearning for food, I had to
prioritise”
Let
me know what you think about Alexander’s blog, and if you want to stalk him on
social media you can check out his blog: http://fluffnotincluded.wordpress.com/
Or
follow him on twitter: @tigertoosh
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